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Due to a new school board edict, we will
not be running ball handling drills

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today. We will be building empathy. Do
you know what empathy is, butthead?

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Uh, is that like... Something to do with
ball handling?

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Shut up! Empathy! Empathy is when you
feel what someone else is feeling. Do

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understand?

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Uh, feel someone else?

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Shut up! Now, you will take these self
-esteem worksheets and you will make

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copies. Uh, you mean like with the copy
machine?

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Cool. Yes, but let me be clear. You will
only copy the worksheet.

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You will not copy your butts again.

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Do you understand, Beavis?

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Um, so, um, do not copy my butt. Say it
again. Do not copy my butt.

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Again. Do not copy my butt.

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Do not copy my butt. Do not copy my
butt.

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I can't hear you. Do not copy my butt.
Do not copy my butt.

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Do not copy my butt.

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Not copy my butt.

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Not copy my butt.

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Not copy my butt.

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Not copy my butt.

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Not copy my butt. Not copy my butt.

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Not copy my butt.

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Not copy my butt. Not copy my butt. Copy
my butt. Copy my butt. Copy my butt. My

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butt. My butt. My beavis.

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You know what would be cool?

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You should, like, copy your butt.

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Oh, yeah.

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Get up here.

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That was cool.

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My butt.

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My name's Andrew.

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I'm 27 years old. And I have a foot
fetish.

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Foot fetish?

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What is that? I think that's like where
chicks' feet give you a boner.

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You mean just from looking at them?

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Yeah.

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And I think sometimes they like touch
them and like queer off with their feet.

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Whoa, really?

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What if kids see this?

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Are you in your room?

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Yeah. Yeah. Is there anybody around?

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Have your feet.

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And what are your feet wearing?

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Oh, nice.

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Sexy.

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Yeah, I gotta say, butthead, I've seen
better.

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Better feet, you know.

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You know, it's MTV, you know.

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I can't wait to meet you. Love your
face.

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Bye -bye.

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Oh, good, she's gone. Now I can get back
to foot tube.

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Get ready to roll out of here. Head to
the airport.

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This guy's like, hey, what do you say we
go over to airport security and watch

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people take their shoes off?

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Yeah,

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he could get a job there.

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He could get paid to have a boner all
day long.

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Yeah, that would be cool.

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Welcome to your final resting place.

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Uh -oh.

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Uh -oh.

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All right, all right, come on.

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Yeah, come on. Let's get busy. Come on.

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Come on.

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Come on. Her butt is right there. Come
on. It's right there. Yeah, come on.

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We should, like, make a deal with this
guy that while he's playing with her

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feet, we can, like, you know, play
around with the rest of her.

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Where does he work?

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I guess that's his job.

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He goes down to the Red Robin and
growls.

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Kramer party of three. Your table is
ready.

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Thank you very much.

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I'll be here all week.

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Butt went through the glass.

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I can't move.

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It's going to be okay.

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Now, butthead, you have a very important
role here. You need to keep your friend

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calm. Just take his hand.

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No, thank you.

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Hurry up and get that moron out of
there. I need that copier fixed.

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Sir, we can't move him. His femoral
artery may be cut. I just can't see. The

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only way to look is by moving him off
the copier. But if we move him, he could

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bleed out.

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Eh, I know a way to look.

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Yeah, what's that?

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You could copy his butt.

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That would be cool.

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I don't care about the risk to that
idiot.

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If you don't get him out, you risk 30
kids in my class failing a standardized

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test. Now pull him out and fix it. Yes,
and I need those self -esteem flyers.

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Okay, okay, look.

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Here's what we can do. We'll take the
upper carriage of the copier off and

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move him with it. Anything else is too
risky.

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Tom, go get the jaws of life.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold
on a second.

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Oh, thank God you're here.

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You take that carriage off, you're going
to be waiting a long time for your

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tests and flyers and such.

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That baby's going to take three days to
repair, minimum.

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You're going to die.

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Ow.

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I'm here live at Highland High School
where a local teenager is still trapped

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the copier. The only thing holding his
femoral artery together is a shard of

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glass stuck in his rectum.

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As you can see behind me, these brave
firemen will be using the jaws of life

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extract him. But don't think for one
second that this will be resolved

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There will be dangers throughout, and
this young teenager could bleed out and

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die at any moment.

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You start sawing through that thing, you
can say goodbye to your toner and light

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generator, too.

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Don't count on seeing a test or a menu
until next week.

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Well, we either saw through the machine
or we saw through the boy.

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Uh, I say saw through the boy.

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That would be cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

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You've got to be kidding me. This is
ridiculous.

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Just do it. No, no.

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I want to see your female artery.

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What are you doing? No, no, no, no.

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Cut it out, buddy.

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Ow!

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Ow, my butt!

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Ow!

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I guess it wasn't his femoral artery.
Looks like it's just lacerations to the

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rectum.

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Although he is now out of the copier, do
not think for one second that this

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young teenager saga is over.

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Why are they showing all these guys
crotches?

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I think this is like a masturbation
experiment.

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Yeah, it's about time, you know, because
I'm... I've always been saying they

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need to have more fun for masturbation
research.

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Yeah, really.

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The Chinese are killing us.

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Masturbation frequency dialed in.

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You know, it's about time they spend my
tax dollars on something I can use. You

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know what I'm saying?

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My masturbation helmet doesn't have
naked chicks in it.

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You have a masturbation helmet?

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I mean, it's a football helmet, you
know.

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Safety first, you know.

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Okay,

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Beavis.

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You have now masturbated.

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Congratulations. You may go, but leave
the helmet.

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You masturbated, huh? Uh -huh.

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Whoa. You have to use the same helmet as
that other guy?

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Yeah.

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The doctor's like, no, no, no one used
this before. It's brand new.

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Why is it all steamy?

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Those are special gases we use to
enhance the masturbation.

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So that's this guy's fantasy?

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What kind of sick bastard is fantasizing
about this?

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On my tax dollars!

153
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Yeah.

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I think it's part of the stimulus
package.

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I wonder if, like, after you're done,
you could use that helmet to, like,

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Meet the Fockers or something.

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That would be cool.

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Don't think for even a second that the
trauma and tragedy of this amazing

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has abated.

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I'm interviewing noted TV psychologist
and diet expert Dr.

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Gene Shepard about the long road to
recovery ahead.

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Tell us, Dr.

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Shepard, what challenges will young
Beavis face when he is reintegrated into

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society? It's going to be a long road,
Jim. The life Beavis knew before is

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Even in the best case scenario, he will
not only be scarred rectally, he will be

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scarred psychologically as well.

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00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:05,610
From Highland High School, I am a very
relieved...

168
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Jim Baxley, back to you, Miguel.

169
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Now those stitches will dissolve on
their own.

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Yeah, into his butt.

171
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,580
Guess that's it, everybody.

172
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You're lucky that you almost died, or
you would be in big trouble.

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If you ever try to copy your butt again,
I will have you expelled from the

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entire school system.

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Don't copy my butt.

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Don't copy my butt.

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I wonder what my butt looks like with
all those stitches.

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Probably looks like a baseball.

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Can't see him.

180
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Hey, Beavis, why don't you take a
picture of it?

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Oh, yeah, yeah.

182
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Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.

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00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,460
Sit up here.

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